Brolu.net


So, here I am. A female writing for Brolu.net. When I first realized that Brolu was a response to the other popular website, or app, known as Lulu, my body responded with just a guttural hiss. I loved Lulu... or I did once. It let me have revenge, let me bluntly grade men and see how other girls would, too. But I quickly realized two things. That almost 100% of those responses were half from girls who had just fallen in love (in which guys got a 10/10). The other half were the girls had been scorned - or at the least mildly hurt - by the dude, in which he scored a 4/10. That's if he was lucky. We were not being unbiased whatsoever. We were vengeful, spiteful, make-shit-up bitches. Or... we were doe eyed, rose-colored-wearing, in love little angels. So. Hell yeah I'll write an article. Tit for tat, bitches and angels. (Please use your best deep voice actors voice, channeling Brad Garrett or Morgan Freeman, for the following few sentences.) Does your girl lay in bed next to you at night with regular bouts of headaches, exhaustion, vaginal pain, constipation or a plethora of other maladies that only happen at night time? Do you think to yourself, "See a doctor already. You clearly have Bed Time Lupus" or something similar? (End voice) Well. She does have a case of something, fellas. It's called YouDontGetMeWetAnymoreitis. Hopefully, you've had many many months or even years of good regular sex. If you're unlucky, this happens around month four. It's due time you're informed. Frankly, because, we want you to screw our brains out. Every night. Every morning. And again at lunch. BUT. You don't get us wet anymore. Recover. Breathe. Check for both testicles. They're each still there, I promise... At least as long as you began with two when this article started, that is. Am I saying the problem is you? Yes. (Sorry.) BUT! Not only you. It is her, too. (You're welcome.) See... the thing (from my experience) is that you don't seem to (perhaps want to) comprehend what I'm about to say. If you can genuinely hear these next words, I can just damn near guarantee you a much healthier sex life. So... Focus. Here we go. Our biggest and hottest turn on is... our brain, our largest sex organ. What do I mean when I say the words you've heard nine-thousand times already? It means a few things. First off, if you're having an argument that is resolved immediately before bedtime, or worse, unresolved, she will have a severe case of YDGMWAitis. You may think, "wait, if we've made up before bedtime, then what is the issue?!" (That's (?!) called an interrobang for the nerds who wanna know. I thought the "bang" was appropriate.) The issue is that she has some stupid intense residual emotions. We are hard wired that way. Nothing is gonna change it. Nothing. For the next roughly one to five hours after the fight is over, we will have an inevitable roller coaster of "Did I give in too easily!? Am I a fucking door mat?!" Or maybe the "Damn... I'm a total cunt bitch. I gave him hell when he didn't deserve it. God. I don't deserve him. He's totally gonna leave me." These lingering thoughts literally demand our attention, as if we were cursed with Multiple Personality Disorder. They control our emotions for a long bout of time after. Even when the "voices" in our heads subside, our emotions are still on some ethereal weird limbo of unease. At any moment, we may cry or burst out laughing. The last thing we feel is sexy. Here is the good news: IF you two have had a very hard core screaming-type argument, and you happened to say the absolute perfect words in a perfect way that literally made her heart jump up with an "OMG he GETS me!!" Then... she may just jump your shween. The good ol' after argument sex. For some women, it's so rare, it never happens. For some, it can happen semi-regularly. Lets hope you've rolled the dice on semi-regularly. Secondly, the brain isn't about arguments. Have you done something along the lines of a compliment today? Other than saying "You look less fat today." Have you literally given a bonafide effort in telling her she is sexy as fuck? Cause if you tell her that, trust me, she'll begin to believe it. Until her brain believes it, she won't. And no one in the world has the equivalent of a boyfriend's power of making their lady believe she is sexy. If she feels fat, you come up with those buttery perfect words that make her feel perfect. What. Ever. She feels. You want to get laid? Make her feel like the only one in your line of sight that fits the word Perfect. You do that? Your sex life will go up doubly. Third. This one is bizarre. It'll be confusing. It'll sound contradictory. But it's coming straight out of the... pussy's mouth I could say. Don't let her think she has you whipped. You may wonder how are you to do the second rule, and the third at the same time. Well easily. You compliment her. Don't text her 10957 a day when she's at work or Especially if she is with friends. Once or twice is enough unless it's an active short conversation. Give her some space. Be a little manly. If you're good at something she isn't good at, friggin' do it. Haha... weird... I feel like a total cheater for telling men this. But we want you to act like MEN. Rough, tough, dirt-laden macho men. It doesn't have to be that extreme. But we wanna sense that you're not effeminate. Keep in mind, this is just from the majority of women I've spoken too. Not all ladies are like this. If you have a girl who likes it when you wear her panties, by all means, rock that thong. But for the most part, don't just wear boxers. Go commando with a solid hard on. Be a guy. Be a little bit risky. It turns her on even though she may be screaming "Stop! Be careful!" Build something. Out of wood. Am I kidding? Nope. A guy once built a speaker box thing and a table to hold our mixer and it killed a two week dry spell for me and a dude. Then it was a two week um... wet spell, shall we say. How does this have to do with our brain?? Well, evolution baby. We wanna know our man can protect us in case of emergency, damnit. Oh, not to mention, just doing the dishes counts too. That shows us that you can not only do classically male roles, but also the ones that suck. AKA the women's classic roles. Plus it shows us you care. You've perhaps seen the meme saying something along the lines of, "A man who does house chores always gets laid." It's so true. So so so true. So. If you argue, wait until the next day. Tell her she is the sexiest beast walking this mother fucking earth, and then build some shit. Is that all? No. The last one here will simply be an amalgam of different things a guy should know. Kiss her. Kiss her. Then kiss her some more. Kiss her in public. Kiss her when she's not expecting it. Kiss her when she's brushing her teeth (even though she'll say "ewwww" she'll secretly love the messy randomness of it.) Kiss her like you're living a Dr Seuss book titled "Kiss Her." Also, on top of complimenting her body, compliment her BRAIN. What was this all about? The biggest sex organ, her brain. Ask her about her day, and better, ask about her thoughts. Ask her about opinions on things. Just ask her things like her opinion matters (as it should). Another significantly important way to get her to want you is to NOT act sex crazy. Don't make her think that all this is to get to her glory zone. Don't constantly talk about sex. Talk about it enough that she stays excited some, but not so much that it turns her off. I've had a sex crazed guy. And the sex got so boring because I knew that's all I was to him. Holes. Don't treat her like she's a walking flesh bag of holes to penetrate. Isn't it pretty simple? Chances are, if you're of average intelligence, then you knew most of this. But I guarantee most of you aren't putting it into practice. I know this because I've been with too many who know better, but aren't doing better. When you treat your girl like a sexy lady, she'll become your sexy lady play dough. Oh... and by god. If she says no, do NOT, I repeat do NOT make her feel guilty. Because then, oh.. then? You will be fucking your right (or left hand, whatevs) for a good week or more. Instead, give her a sweet kiss on the forehead and say "It's alright baby." Everyone in the world doesn't feel like it all the time. Well... most people. Myra Byrom Credits: Completely Nonexperienced Article Writer Female

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Profiler

Console

Memory Usage

Benchmarks

74 ms Loading Time: Base Classes
233 ms Controller Execution Time ( News / Article )
317 ms Total Execution Time

Queries

0.0004 SET SESSION sql_mode="STRICT_ALL_TABLES"
0.0010 SELECT * FROM (`bf_settings`)Speed: 0.0010 - Possible keys: - Key Used: - Type: ALL - Rows: 60 - Extra:
0.0004 SELECT `name`, `value` FROM (`bf_settings`) WHERE `module` = 'news'Speed: 0.0004 - Possible keys: - Key Used: - Type: ALL - Rows: 60 - Extra: Using where
0.0005 SELECT * FROM (`bf_news_articles`) WHERE `id` = '6' AND `status_id` = 3Speed: 0.0005 - Possible keys: PRIMARY - Key Used: PRIMARY - Type: const - Rows: 1 - Extra:
0.0004 SELECT `display_name` FROM (`bf_users`) WHERE `bf_users`.`id` = '6'Speed: 0.0004 - Possible keys: PRIMARY - Key Used: PRIMARY - Type: const - Rows: 1 - Extra:
0.0027 Total Query Execution Time

Session User Data

session_id 49ea5b7ba6c94dcbe95bc15cdcf739e9
ip_address 54.81.2.151
user_agent CCBot/2.0 (http://commoncrawl.org/faq/)
last_activity 1503502553
user_data
requested_page http://brolu.net/news/article/6
previous_page http://brolu.net/news/article/6

GET DATA

No GET data exists

POST DATA

No POST data exists

URI STRING

news/article/6

CLASS/METHOD

news/article

HTTP HEADERS

HTTP_ACCEPT text/html,application/xhtml+xml,application/xml;q=0.9,*/*;q=0.8
HTTP_USER_AGENT CCBot/2.0 (http://commoncrawl.org/faq/)
HTTP_CONNECTION keep-alive
SERVER_PORT 80
SERVER_NAME brolu.net
REMOTE_ADDR 54.81.2.151
SERVER_SOFTWARE Apache/2
HTTP_ACCEPT_LANGUAGE
SCRIPT_NAME /index.php
REQUEST_METHOD GET
HTTP_HOST
REMOTE_HOST
CONTENT_TYPE
SERVER_PROTOCOL HTTP/1.1
QUERY_STRING
HTTP_ACCEPT_ENCODING gzip
HTTP_X_FORWARDED_FOR

CONFIG VARIABLES

base_url http://brolu.net/
index_page
uri_protocol AUTO
url_suffix
language english
charset UTF-8
enable_hooks 1
subclass_prefix MY_
permitted_uri_chars a-z 0-9~%.:_\-
allow_get_array 1
enable_query_strings
controller_trigger c
function_trigger m
directory_trigger d
log_threshold 0
log_path ../application/logs/
log_date_format Y-m-d H:i:s
cache_path ../application/cache/
encryption_key fdbc20cf3e2e4790e87777dc8b8dca10
sess_cookie_name bf_session
sess_expiration 7200
sess_expire_on_close
sess_encrypt_cookie
sess_use_database
sess_table_name sessions
sess_match_ip
sess_match_useragent 1
sess_time_to_update 300
cookie_prefix
cookie_domain
cookie_path /
global_xss_filtering
csrf_protection 1
csrf_token_name ci_csrf_token
csrf_cookie_name ci_csrf_token
csrf_expire 7200
compress_output
time_reference gmt
rewrite_short_tags
proxy_ips
csrf_ignored_controllers Array ( )
modules_locations Array ( [0] => ../application/modules/ [1] => ../bonfire/modules/ )
site.default_user_timezone UM8
site.backup_folder archives/
contexts Array ( [0] => content [1] => reports [2] => settings [3] => developer )
enable_activity_logging 1
sparks_path ../sparks/
template.site_path /hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/public/
template.theme_paths Array ( [0] => themes )
template.default_layout index
template.ajax_layout ajax
template.use_mobile_themes
template.default_theme default/
template.admin_theme admin
template.parse_views
template.message_template <div class="alert alert-{type} alert-dismissable"> <button type="button" class="close" data-dismiss="alert" aria-hidden="true">×</button> <div>{message}</div> </div>
template.breadcrumb_symbol :
assets.base_folder assets
assets.asset_folders Array ( [css] => css [js] => js [image] => images )
assets.js_opener $(document).ready(function(){
assets.js_closer });
assets.js_combine
assets.css_combine
assets.encrypt_name
assets.js_minify
assets.css_minify
assets.encode
ui.current_shortcuts Array ( [form_save] => Array ( [description] => Save any form in the admin area. [action] => $("input[name=save]").click();return false; ) [create_new] => Array ( [description] => Create a new record in the module. [action] => window.location.href=$("a#create_new").attr("href"); ) [select_all] => Array ( [description] => Select all records in an index page. [action] => $("table input[type=checkbox]").click();return false; ) [delete] => Array ( [description] => Delete the record(s). [action] => $("#delete-me.btn-danger").click(); ) [module_index] => Array ( [description] => Return to the index of the current module. [action] => window.location.href=$("a#list").attr("href"); ) [goto_content] => Array ( [description] => Jump to the Content context. [action] => window.location.href=$("#tb_content").attr("href") ) [goto_reports] => Array ( [description] => Jump to the Reports context. [action] => window.location.href=$("#tb_reports").attr("href") ) [goto_settings] => Array ( [description] => Jump to the Settings context. [action] => window.location.href=$("#tb_settings").attr("href") ) [goto_developer] => Array ( [description] => Jump to the Developer context. [action] => window.location.href=$("#tb_developer").attr("href") ) )
emailer.write_to_file
migrate.auto_core
migrate.auto_app

Files

application.php
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autoload.php
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config.php
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constants.php
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database.php
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events.php
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hooks.php
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mimes.php
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profiler.php
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routes.php
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user_agents.php
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Base_Controller.php
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Front_Controller.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/application/core/Front_Controller.php
MY_Model.php
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App_hooks.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/application/hooks/App_hooks.php
application_lang.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/application/language/english/application_lang.php
Profiler.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/application/libraries/Profiler.php
news.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/application/modules/news/controllers/news.php
author_helper.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/application/modules/news/helpers/author_helper.php
news_lang.php
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author_model.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/application/modules/news/models/author_model.php
news_model.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/application/modules/news/models/news_model.php
article.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/application/modules/news/views/article.php
news_articles_js.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/application/modules/news/views/news_articles_js.php
_social.php
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Benchmark.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/bonfire/codeigniter/core/Benchmark.php
CodeIgniter.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/bonfire/codeigniter/core/CodeIgniter.php
Common.php
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Config.php
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Controller.php
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Exceptions.php
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Hooks.php
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Input.php
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Lang.php
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Model.php
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Output.php
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Security.php
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URI.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/bonfire/codeigniter/core/URI.php
Utf8.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/bonfire/codeigniter/core/Utf8.php
DB.php
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DB_active_rec.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/bonfire/codeigniter/database/DB_active_rec.php
DB_driver.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/bonfire/codeigniter/database/DB_driver.php
DB_result.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/bonfire/codeigniter/database/DB_result.php
mysql_driver.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/bonfire/codeigniter/database/drivers/mysql/mysql_driver.php
mysql_result.php
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directory_helper.php
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language_helper.php
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string_helper.php
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url_helper.php
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profiler_lang.php
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Cache.php
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Driver.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/bonfire/codeigniter/libraries/Driver.php
Session.php
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User_agent.php
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BF_Lang.php
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BF_Model.php
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BF_Security.php
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Loader.php
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Router.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/bonfire/core/Router.php
application_helper.php
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config_file_helper.php
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Console.php
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Modules.php
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Route.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/bonfire/libraries/Route.php
assets.php
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events.php
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template.php
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settings_lib.php
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settings_model.php
/hermes/walnaweb10a/b1597/moo.turtlewolf/CollectionBrolu/abrolunet/bonfire/modules/settings/models/settings_model.php
index.php
index.php
_sitenav.php
themes/default/_sitenav.php
comments.php
themes/default/comments.php
footer.php
themes/default/footer.php
header.php
themes/default/header.php
index.php
themes/default/index.php